Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Frequently Asked Questions

Since the One Kidney Wonder (aka Purple Hull) often has writer's block, I'm going to nudge him along to get a new post up! We'll see how it works. As least it's different. If this flies, then maybe Rachel and I can get him to add FAQ to his Restoration Tile site!

Carrot: Everyone wants to know how you're doing. I guess they think you're not sharing your pain and suffering. Tell the one about needing crutches on Easter.
Purple Hull:
well, the most aggravating part is the damned sore feet. It seems to be very predictable now, starting the second week of taking Sutent. Sore feet lasts from 8 to 10 days followed by normal feet. Sore feet means that I can't just go do whatever I want. But the operative word is aggravating. I can actually put up with a lot even though I want to throw something and quit taking the chemo so I can just get back to normal (which is not possible). We were headed to Sam's house for Easter dinner and I couldn't walk . . . so Debbie went to Walgreens and came home with a pair of crutches. . . they work. . . and they did invoke sympathy. Within two days we had found the pair we already had in (you guessed it) my workroom :). We've been through Easter sore feet and 12 days of normal feet and now we're back to sore feet...never ending I guess. The rest of the side effects are tolerable. . . lots of people put up with a whole lot more. I can't complain.

Carrot: Do you have a bucket list? Do you want to go back to Europe? I know you'd fly on the Space Shuttle if they'd let you.
Purple Hull: I don't have a bucket list. I pretty much have done everything I wanted to do. The places I have been in Europe (industrial) are pretty much like going to Cleveland, only farther. We are of Western European stock so the faces look normal and the food is normal . . . I'd really like to go to Eastern Europe. . . .My understanding is that it is totally different. . . . and Cuba. . . there is a lot of tile in Cuba!!! Probably needs repair which makes the trip deductable.
The opportunity to fly on the shuttle is about kaput. I'd go in a minute if I could. Maybe I'll buy one at auction when the US Gov. sells our stuff to pay their bills. Then I could take it up myself. . . I wonder how much it costs to fill that thing up. My Am.Express card has no limit. . . or that's what they say. HEHE That"s the kind of thing you want to do for your last thing.

Carrot: Should we get more football tickets or just keep the ones we have? Maybe they'll all be together this season. Will Ryan Mallet's time off for surgery hurt or help the team?
Purple Hull: Surely 8 tickets is enough. We ate tickets last year a time or two.

Carrot: It will be a different vacation this year: Orlando instead of the beach. Which beach would you like to go to next? Hawaii? Antigua? St. Lucia? I need more samples of sand for my collection.
Purple Hull: I'm not sure how my mentioning going to see the shuttle launch became a bucket list item and therefore now we're off to Disney World....but hey if the grandkids want to go then I'm all for it. Hawaii holds no lure for me...except to see the volcanos. The carribean islands sound more fun, and I can get you some sand. Want some from the deposit in North Central Arkansas. How about from Edgar Florida...inland Northern huh? Is it the sand or the beach?

Carrot: Did you like having a real tree last Christmas? Is it okay to give the huge faux tree to Rachel and Matt who have really tall ceilings?
Purple Hull: Actually I prefer an artificial tree.... still not comfortable with a drying out tree in the house. I'd be delighted for Rach and Matt to take the 10 footer. The more of our old stuff you give away....the more we can stimulate the economy! You're such a good Democrat.

Carrot: How long will the sailboat that's never touched water stay in the front yard?
Purple Hull: Somebody had a SanJuan 21 in the paper last week...for more than I have invested in the yard art. Maybe I'll fix it up and make some $$$$. I do take care of my stuff. I'm not sure the SanJuan ever made it to my good stuff pile so if I put it in good shape then we'll keep it FOREVER.
(What? Chemo brain attack!)

Carrot: Are you up for a trip in the trailer? Where to?
Purple Hull: Yep...I like the trailer and I think the Excursion at 270,000 miles still has plenty of life left. It's at Erin and Shaun's place....we gotta get it back and then I'll put hardwood floors in and we'll take off for a week or so. It's not so much where we're going, it's just the going. Uh, we also should get a dish so we can go a little more rustic and don't have to be in RV parks with folks in blue jumpsuits and velcro close shoes.
(I do love electricity.)

Carrot: Yes, I agree, my brain is a little scattered. Every thought leads to lots more. I still like my idea of going fishing without hooks. Always yours.
Purple Hull: You really think I have writers block?

Monday, April 5, 2010

She's so much more than just tolerable

You see....I was a little self-deprecating, but not towards myself, in my comments of Dad's last post. I said that mom was so much more tolerable on the beach... insinuating that she is intolerable when not atop sand. I owe her an apology. As she is, much more than tolerable. Her comment of my comment did not show the depths of my hurtful comments, as when I talked to her just today, and I tried to weasel out of my comment saying that "i was just self-depriciating... just to you instead of me" she said that was the very definition of mean. And it is. And I'm sorry.
SO.... how do you un-offend your mother? There are yo-mama jokes... which are always funny. YO MAMA SOOOOO FAT (and tolerable), SHE WORE A MALCOLM X SHIRT AND A HELICOPTER LANDED ON HER. Good one. Good one. YO MAMA SOOOO FAT (and tolerable!)... SHE SAT ON A DOLLAR AND CHANGE CAME OUT! Ah ha ha ha. Ok. I'm done. Wait wiat. Sisterbaby did some googling for me... YO MAMA SOOOO SKINNY(and tolerable)SHE HOOLAHOOPS IN A CHEERIO! Ah ha ha ha haha.

So... here's how tolerable my mother is:
She loves my babies as much as I do. She said one time that I'm the most motivated person she knows. She doesn't give me compliments if I don't deserve them; therefore, when she tells me I look good, I really look good. She buys all the Christmas and Birthday presents. We know. She invented Halfy Birthdays, Crazy Suppers, and the Proud of You Song. She didn't buy into me needing hi-top Reeboks in the 4th grade, and I'm apparently better for it. She feeds Dad. She says that if people know you're wearing make-up, then you've got on too much. She told us our whole life that it wasn't about us. Everybody's too worried about themselves to be worried about what you look like. However, when I put my wedding dress on, she was quick to say "Oh,honey, today... It's all about you." She's on my favorites list in my iphone. When something good happens she's on the top three list. When something bad happens, she's on the top three list. She worries about us all the time. But, when she steps into the sand, on any gulf, her worries slip away for a sec, and she runs around with her enviously bird-like legs, pecking around, letting her toes get in the surf, and she doesn't worry. We love seeing her love the beach is what my comment should have said. But it didn't. And now, according to her teachings, I must apologize until I'm asked to stop.
I'm sorry.I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. Sorry mom. I'm still sorry. Real sorry mom. Sorry I hurt your feelings. I shouldn't have said that mom. That would have hurt my feelings too. Sorry mom. Love you mom. Why do you even tolerate me? Sorry. Sorry mom. Hey mama, I'm sorry.
Sorry. Will a glass of wine fix this? Do you feel better yet? I don't. Sorry mom. I'm real sorry. I'm a shit head. Sorry mama. I won't do that again. It's not nice to not-yourself-depreciate. Sorry. Oh! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry. Sorry mom. I don't want this to start sounding sarcastic, but I really am sorry.

Please accept my public-esque apology.
Erin Amanda