I get it, in concept, but I struggle with ever sitting back and being satisfied in the abundance. I want more. I want better. I know there's more.
Dad has this Dayenu figured out. Whether purposefully or not, he has the enviable trait of simply trusting that his choices have been made; his trust is aligned and loyal, his need to scour the interwebs for information is not there.
That's why he had me. I was told in the late 80s that I was born to unload the dishwasher, alas, my usefulness has evolved!
Dad's scans last week were great, considering the 10 week break from Avastin. We could have seen an aggressive resurgence of mets. We could have seen a new site of metastasis (brain, bone).
We didn't. His scans showed continued stability/non-activity in 4 of 5 of his millimetric masses, with 1 having an iridescent aura of possible growth.
We saw a tid bit if growth in that one met before the Avastin break, so I don't fully blame the hernia break.
I also don't really trust (here I go again) that we're seeing true growth. I mean come on, first, there's the interjudge reliability between two CT scans, then, come on, we're comparing a CT scan to a PET scan, and third, hellew! these things are in a moving breathing body part. You're telling me that you snapped your picture at the exact same phase of inhale/exhale every time?? Come on.
That was the manifestation of my compensatory strategy of denial. Pardon me.
So, we're looking good on scans. Dayenu. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...... What if we could utilize some sort of Star Trek laser beam and tie Dad down and zap that sucker out and just be done with it. Huh? Why not?
This exists, people! Cyber knife, high dose radiation, cryoabalation- all methods to do exactly that. Pinpoint this met, tie him down, tell him to hold his breath, and Zzzzeeeeaaaaaaauuup! It can't be more difficulty than that.
Mom and Dad asked Dr. Baltz about this possibility this week. (Insert Byrd family I'm Proud of You Song). And they have an appointment with an oncology radiologist! Gold stars!!
That guy will tell us if this is even a possibility being that this met is positioned in the azygoesophogeal recess, which is close to vital organs (details...). We don't want to zap those.
Dad, predictably, is unimpressed. Doesn't see the point. Dayenu.
He's got other things to do- clean the pool, run a business...
Even if he goes just for me (wink wink), that's cool with me. I unloaded that dishwasher for so many years! And yeah, you sent me to college, and clothed and fed me, and set me up with life skills superior to nine out of ten people, but come on... what have I ever asked for????
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